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Joke of the Day

"Why did the gay man vote for Trump? He was the biggest dick in the race."

"Practicing karate in my driveway to strike fear into potential burglars."

"What do you call always having a date for New Year's Eve? Social Security."

"""Hot damn!"" - the Nazi's probably after their dams were destroyed. I don't know; I'm not a historian. It's just an educated guess."

"I hate when people try to make small talk on the elevator. ""How's it going?"", ""How about the weather?"", ""Where are your pants?""."

"Why did the Blonde go to a Phone Repairman to get her anus bleached? Because she needed help changing her ring tone."

"Relationship status: I shout ""PIZZA'S HERE"" so the delivery guy doesn't think I'm eating two pizzas by myself."

"Stay out of my dreams if you're not going to be there when I open my eyes"

"What does the ""B"" in Benoit B Mandelbrot stand for? Benoit B Mandelbrot."

"Over the weekend, my girlfriend called me a pedophile. I said ""Wow, that's an awfully big word for a 12 year old."""