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Joke of the Day

"So apparently Justin Timberlake is going to write a song for all the people that have been devastated by the crisis in Ukraine. It's going to be called 'Crimea River'."

"What does it's job ONLY after it has been fired? A bullet"

"I have ADHD. Yup, high-definition TV in the years after the birth of Jesus."

"DATE: so what kind of writing do you do? ME: um, cursive, regular... DATE: no I mean- ME: actually I can't do cursive :/"

"After a long journey Frodo and Sam arrive to return the One Ring to the fires of Mt. Doom Frodo: Dude dont be mad, but I forgot the receipt"

"What's the difference between a semicolon and a cat? One has a pause at the end of it's clause, the other has claws at the end of it's paws."

"Teen: Your outfit is on fleek! Me: (confused) Yeah well your MOM is on fleek. Teen: (smiles) Thank you! Me: God damn it."

"How many rednecks does it take... I don't know exactly, but a shit ton."

"What did the deaf Canadian say to the American that was talking? Eh?"

"What does Hodor start off his day with? Raisin' Bran."