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Joke of the Day

"I hope that when the zombies finally do come, they're all dyslexic and they only go after Brians."

"Twat did you say? I cunt hear you."

"What do you call two healthcare professionals hanging out? A paramedics."

"Why do people say children are the future? They are clearly the present. Old people are the future."

"Mugger *shows knife* Crocodile Dundee ""No this is a knife"" *pulls out huge knife* Alanis Morrisette ""Hang on"" *sifts through 10,000 spoons*"

"What did one tampon say to the other? Nothing, because they're both suck up bitches."

"Heads up guys, if you ask your wife how to spell menage a trois she's gonna want to know why."

"What do you call Protestants who want to save a dime? Econoclasts."

"I got in a fight with Dwayne Johnson. As I threw the first punch, he turned around on the spot. And that, that is when I knew I'd hit rock bottom."

"My wife decided to adopt a dog from the shelter So now I have to come home to a raging bitch and a poodle."