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Joke of the Day
"What does apathy sound like? I'm Ellen Pao, AMA"
Next Joke
"I'm so pissed right now I'm going to open a can of... what the hell, when did they start putting child proof lids on the cans of whoop-ass?"
"Bring in 2015 the same way you came into this world. Naked and screaming."
"What did Fred from 'Scooby Doo' say when Mystery Inc. finally found a mystery that was too scary for them to solve? 2scooby4doo"
"*nervously plays with tie* ""I'm sorry. I'm no good during job interviews."" That's ok, just let go of my tie and go on your side of the desk."
"A great high-intensity workout is maintaining a neutral expression when someone tells you about a cool place to hear electronic music."
"A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel in his pants... The bartender says ""Hey! You know you've got a steering wheel in your pants?"" The pirate replies: ""ARRR it's drivin' me nuts!"""
"What's better than winning the Paralympic gold medal? Not being in the Paralympics"
"What's the difference between a Zippo and a hippo ? Ones a little lighter"
"Give a woman an inch and she probably won't call you back."