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Joke of the Day

"""One man's trash is another man's treasure."" is one way to tell your kid that they're adopted."

"I've just got my own valet and found people treat you completely differently. He's opened a lot of doors for me."

"What do you call a gay dinosaur? Megasoreass rex"

"[Enter Password] drapes [Re-enter Password] carpet [Error: Passwords must match]"

"HIM: [awkwardly] wanna go see a movie? HER: sure, sounds great. [next day] HIM: could i maybe come with you next time?"

"I had a colonoscopy today... ...it was a pain in the ass! EDIT : Deleted original post that had ""coloscopy"" instead of ""colonoscopy"""

"my dad asked me if I have an organ donor card. i guess he really is a man after my own heart."

"Why don't melons ever run away and get married? Because they cantaloupe!"

"What do you call a secular humanist NGO? A non-prophet non-profit."

"Knock knock. Who's there? John. John who? John proceeds to break into tears as his mother's alzheimers has progressed to the point where she doesn't even remember him."