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Joke of the Day

"Why can't you trust atoms? Because they make up everything!"

"I like my coffee like I like my wife... cold and bitter."

"I always yell ""Cut!"" after I drop the soap in the shower because there's usually some Peeping Tom filming me & I want that part edited out."

"You still have 10 more hours to lose all the weight from your last New Year's resolution. Hurry !"

"What does a five year old and a penis have in common? If it doesn't come when you tell it to, then just beat it harder. (I am so sorry)"

"The only time a moth flies in a straight line is... while farting"

"Kinda corny but it did actually crack me up... Q. What do you get if you insert human DNA into a chimpanzee? A. Banned from the Zoo."

"11: Did it rain last night? Me: No. 11: But it's so wet! Me: That's what she said. 11: What? Me: What?"

"What if I told you... You read the first line wrong Made you look"

"In high school, I was voted Most Likely To Keep Bringing Up Past Achievements."