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Joke of the Day

"A Prius just tried to race me from a stop sign. I totally had it for the first 100 feet... But I can only walk so fast."

"See no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil... Rohypnol."

"My neighbour knocked on my door at 2.30AM Can you believe the nerve of some people? Luckily for him I was still up playing my drums."

"What's Canada's favorite board game? Sorry"

"I once met a girl with twelve boobs. Sounds fake, dozen tit?"

"I tried cocaine once It's not all it's cracked up to be."

"My husband grabbed a lightsaber and challenged our daughter to a battle. She ran to the kitchen and grabbed a knife."

"Why are female schoolteachers always so angry? They have periods every half hour!"

"Life would be so much easier if it had an unfollow button."

"Thieves had broken into my house and stolen everything except my soap. Filthy bastards."