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Joke of the Day

"If I say something, in the middle of a forest...with no women around to hear me... ...am I still wrong? [credit](http://forums.macrumors.com/showthread.php?t=90423#10)"

"[creepy mansion] ME: That portrait is watching us MAN: No way ME: [goes right up to portrait] I'm vegan PORTRAIT: [rolls eyes] ME: I knew it"

"Q: What's red and not there? A: No tomatoes."

"What do you tell a woman with two black eyes? ..........Nothing you've already told her twice!"

"Cigarettes are like Squirrels... They're completely harmless until you put one in your mouth and light it on fire"

"I'm glad the Founding Fathers aren't alive today because the last thing we need are more old people driving around on the roads."

"Q: Why is the letter E like London? A: Because it is the capital of England."

"What should PMS be called? Ovary-acting"

"Fifty Shades of Grey beat the record for fastest selling R-rated movie in history... Well, first it tied the record... then it beat it.... [credit goes to the Late Night with Seth Meyers writers]"

"A 4 year old boy examined his testicles... while taking a bath. 'Mom', he asked, 'Are these my brains?' 'Not yet', she replied"