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Joke of the Day

"They say a bird in the hand is better than two in the bush But a penis in the bush is better than two in the hand any day."

"""They had to amputate them both at the ankles,"" said Tom, defeated."

"Why was the pianist so depressed? Because they weren't good at Chopin."

"*waits for you to fall asleep* *rolls out from under your bed* *moisturizes your knees and elbows*"

"Fast way to MESS up someones Knock Knock joke? ""It's open."""

"""Let's go through it bit by bit"" Said Jack the Ripper"

"I hate people who say ""said no one ever"" to things I said because I literally just f-cking said it."

"Why can't cats survive on Mars, even with spacesuits? Because Curiosity will kill them."

"Tom Brady got punished more than Ray Rice because he beat a whole team"

"Are you a mixologist? I could tell by your poor style."