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Joke of the Day

"PARK RANGER: to be a guide you need to be able to name all the animals ME: no problem [later w/ a group] ME: that's Greg, & that's Linda..."

"I wish my band were shittier so we could get booked on Leno :("

"Jubilee is a mutant who can shoot sparks from her hands, and spontaneously destroy electronics by touching them... So she's basically like my mom, if my mom could shoot sparks from her hands."

"If I don't get off Reddit, my dad says he will smash my head against the keybosdqAFQ#D!E"

"When I die I want to be cremated and my ashes spread all over my bedroom...so my wife can clean up after me one more time."

"I was just thinking about my ex girlfriend and how great her breasts were. It was a real trip down mammary lane."

"I hate hearing jokes about midgets and roller coasters. They usually come up short."

"I think the inventor of the internet likely didn't intend for it to be used to post videos of simians reacting to humans doing magic tricks."

"A man with a mirror leaves a party... ... and says ""I'll see myself out."""

"All men approve of premarital sex......until they have a daughter."