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Joke of the Day

"PARK RANGER: to be a guide you need to be able to name all the animals ME: no problem [later w/ a group] ME: that's Greg, & that's Linda..."

"TIL How to Time Travel And man do I miss Reddit."

"I think that laziest animals must be the animals in the seas. There is Sawshark, Hammerheadshark, Electric eel. Still not a single one house completed."

"What sits at the bottom of the ocean and twitches? A drowning epileptic."

"I see dead people. Well technically they're stupid people, but give me a few minutes."

"I bought a treadmill because I ran out of closet space for my clothes."

"Lotta dudes in this coffee shop looking poignant."

"cow: where does milk come from? me: *laughs* cow: *laughs* farmer: *laughs* milk man: *laughs* everyone: *laughs* cow: but no, seriously."

"BREAKING NEWS: They just found Hillary's emails. 30 thousand 'penis enlargement' offers."

"Just spoke to my mom. Unrelated: Anyone want to have unprotected anal?"