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Joke of the Day

"My pants are so tight I'm legitimately afraid they won't fit if I miss a day of shaving my legs."

"Blonde joke Blonde: ""What does IDK stand for?"" Brunette: ""I don't know."" Blonde: ""OMG, like, nobody does!"""

"Why can't you fool an aborted fetus? Because they weren't born yesterday."

"I can't understand the critics saying that only an idiot would like that television program. I really enjoyed it."

"Thanks god my wife die. hhhhhhhhh"

"Why is ""porn"" not a standard button on keyboards yet?"

"""Awww look my boyfriend left his Facebook open, I'm going to log him off without checking his inbox."" Said no woman ever"

"I havent talked to my wife in 6 months. I got a slap the last time I interupted her."

"[press session regarding increase in shark bites] Reporter: Are there more attacks in one area? Scientist: [lips against mic] In the water"

"Patient: Doctor if I give up wine women and song will I live longer? Doctor: Not really. It will just seem longer."