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Joke of the Day

"Is the end of the world happening right now? The internet is not working on my phone, so that was my first logical conclusion."

"""Take off your corduroy shorts so I can blow you,"" said no chick, ever."

"Why is it called almond milk? ""Nut juice"" wasnt very popular."

"One day she says ""Treat me like a princess,"" the next she's pissed that I married her off in exchange for an alliance with Spain. Women..."

"You know homeless people are the real progressives of this country. Always asking for change."

"Egg and a sausage sizzling away in a frying pan The egg says ""fuck me its hot in here"". The sausage goes ""fuck me, a talking egg!"""

"Why do sumo wrestlers shave their legs? So people don't confuse them for feminists."

"An eagle gets sick and is arrested ... because, he is ill-eagle"

"Practice safe lunch Always use a condiment"

"A job interview is like a first date. You dress up, pretend to be someone else and spend the time wondering if you're going to get screwed."