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Joke of the Day

"Who's the most badass flower salesman? Chuck Florist"

"Why do women fake orgasms? Because they think men actually care if they cum."

"The worst thing about being bitten by a poisonous spider is... You're probably Australian"

"the Grinch was a religious minority w/ legitimate issues of systematic injustice & economic discrimination & the movie about him is bigotry"

"Relationship status : Taken (for granted)"

"you have heard ""A pint is a pound"" ... .. and that is a seriously high petrol price. I know. It's not that good. Nor even that funny. But it's coming. Happy Halloween."

"[job interview] Interviewer: It says here that you are a blowfish. Would you care to expand?"

"Chuck Norris once roundhouse-kicked a ten dollar bill into 200 nickels."

"I asked to switch seats because there was a god damn SCREAMING infant next to me, and I couldn't sleep. They told me no. Apparently you're not allowed to move away from your own child."

"What do you call a masturbating cow? Beef Strokin-off"