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Joke of the Day

"Why did the gray whale go on a diet? Because he wasn't a Fin whale!"

"""Well grandma,"" I said, ""this is where you will be staying eventually, do you like it? "" She shouted, ""Will you fuck off and let me visit your granddad's grave in peace!"""

"My wife moans at me to say I did' instead of I done' because it's not proper grammar. Easier said than did."

"Whats the question to the answer ""it's a cockrobin"" What's that up my ass Batman?"

"The guy who invented the Apple maps app walks into a bar ... ... and says, ""Wait a second, this isn't Subway."""

"Driving I was driving in the city, when I got the Sun in my eyes. Damn Paparazzi."

"I had a pet owl that like to sing songs to me... ...it was really a hoot."

"When asked my theory on Amelia Earhart's disappearance I said ""maybe she went black"" and now I don't have to help with homework"

"I would tell you a butter joke... But you would probably just spread it."

"What do you call two crows on a branch? Attempted murder."