37701

Joke of the Day

"""Well grandma,"" I said, ""this is where you will be staying eventually, do you like it? "" She shouted, ""Will you fuck off and let me visit your granddad's grave in peace!"""

"Still puzzled on how ""Colonel"" has gotten away with being spelled like that for so long."

"Listening to Jay-Z has literally taught me everything I know about whether or not a cop can legally search my car."

"I have the best prison name Mitochondria"

"What's the height of conceit? Ant crawling up an elephant's leg with lust in its heart"

"An Arab and a Jew walk into a bar... and they have a blast!"

"I wish I could be like my cable company's customer service line and make people press 37 different numbers before they can talk to me."

"What kind of soda did Moses drink? Mountain Jew!"

"All music classes were banned at my school... They said the classes encouraged too much sax and violins..."

"You know what they call the strategy involving freshmints while playing a game of timed tic tac toe? The tic tac tick tick tic tac toe tactic"