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Joke of the Day

"My dad put a lot of pressure on me as a child. He used to say stuff like, ""You're five years old? When I was your age, I was six"""

Next Joke
 
"I was seeing this one girl for two months Until she found out I was there."
"What do you call a sheep without legs? A cloud."
"Whats the difference between man united and a clown? ones a complete laughing stock and the other ones a clown."
"[over megaphone] ""Police! We have you astounded!"" ""Jim, it's 'surrounded'."" ""No, I know but look at his face."""
"Why is it so cheap to buy 12 rhombuses? Because they're a diamond dozen"
"I think the sun shouldn't come up until at least noon on Saturdays."
"*stationary for 7 hours* Me: ""Actually, I'm not sure this is one of those driverless cars."""
"I like my girls like Shrek... Big boned and with an ass that talks back"
"I stand right next to the ""God Hates Fags"" guy with a sign that says ""Please Ignore My Ex-Boyfriend"""