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Joke of the Day

"Your Ex asking to be friends after breaking up is like......Kidnappers asking to ""keep in touch"" after letting you go"

"I thought by this point in my life I would know what to do with my arms when I sleep, but nope, still confused."

"Me: *Asks question on snapchat* Them: *Answers question on snapchat* Me: ""Wait, what did I ask again?"""

"I'm a huge fan of politically incorrect jokes. Listen to this absolute classic: ""Abraham Lincoln was never president""!"

"What's the difference between a chickpea and a garbanzo bean? [NSFW] You don't pay $200 to have a garbanzo on your face"

"What building has the most stories to tell? The library."

"I showed up later to dinner yesterday because I was baking a turkey. I'm the turkey. Il see myself to the kitchen table."

"If someone is cramping your style, Tell they, go masturbate elsewhere you pedophile!"

"What did Water say to Fire when they met for the first time? Shhhhhhh."

"Just realized that my spirit animal is Winnie the Pooh. Two words: No pants."