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Joke of the Day

"If she wants to be chased, she better steal my pizza or something"

"5 years ago when 'House of Cards' started we said, 'That's so scary.' Now Trump is here and we're like, 'hahaha, House of Cards is adorable'"

"You can tell a lot about a person by reading my girlfriend's email"

"I thought getting a vasectomy would stop my wife from getting pregnant Turns out it just changes the colour of the baby"

"What does eating an old lady out taste like? Depends."

"Vidi vini Me looking at ancient Etruscan nudes"

"6, that's SIX, people emailed everyone at work with the SAME information which has resulted in 48 replies and now I wanna quit my job."

"Did it Hurt When You Fell From Heaven Straight Into Hell?"

"I always thought I had a massive cock. Turned out to be an ostrich"

"I don't know why this driver threw his hands up and asked what I was doing. I thought it was pretty clear I was cutting him off."