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Joke of the Day

"Back in my day, I used to have to walk 4 miles to the nearest store. Because I had too many DUIs."

"PREGNANT CASHIER: Have a great day ME: Thanks, have a great baby"

"Do you like warts? No. Don't worry. They'll grow on you."

"priest: ""does anyone here know why these two should not be wed?"" me: ""SHE LEAVES THE VOLUME ON ODD NUMBERS"" priest: [slowly closes bible]"

"What do you get when you play a country song backwards? Your wife back, your dog back, your house back..."

"You can't hear me! She: ""You are so deaf. You never hear me."" He: ""I heard you. I was just looking at my new watch."" She: ""Oh yeah? What kind is it?"" He: Six o'clock!"""

"An electrician beat himself with live wires His wife called the police He was charged with battery."

"She often thinks about what life may have been outside the asylum, had the cashier refrained from putting her change on top of the receipt."

"The Home Alone house is up for sale for 2.4 mil. I'd pay 2.5 (if I had it) just so I could say, ""Keep the change you filthy animal."""

"I like my coffee like I like my men Black and shot twice"