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Joke of the Day
"An impotent man... ... named his dick Magikarp. Because it's useless and can only splash."
Next Joke
"What's a similarity between Old Navy and Jerry Sandusky... Both of their pants are half off"
"[watching TV] GF: Tickle my back please ME: Is that nice? GF: Little bit higher ME: [very slightly squeaky voice] Is that nice?"
"What's the difference in Xbox One and your mother? I genuinely care about your mother."
"McDonald's burgers always look so great in their commercials but when you actually order one it always looks like its been sat on."
"Your name must be Coca Cola, because you're so-da-licious"
"Hi, 911? I see someone from high school in this coffee shop and they're the type to corner & chat me up and I don't know what to do HI LAURA"
"How do you tell a good monster from a bad one? If it's a good one you will be able to talk about it later!"
"What's black on the outside, green on the inside and can go through walls? Ghost avocado."
"The United States has fallen into disrepair, due to a great catastrophe... ...they say it was called: ""The 2016 Presidential Election Season"""