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Joke of the Day

"Me : It's over & nothing you say will make me change my mind Him : 'I just ordered a large thin crust' Me : Be there in 10 min"

"I have literally never seen a mattress store with customers in it"

"Why did the lady with multiple personality disorder share her food with a friend? Because Sharon is Karen."

"I just told my brother he was adopted, his response was, ""At least they picked me"""

"If I could fly, I know who I'd shit on first."

"Did you hear about the jewish guy? Did you hear about the jewish guy that walked into a wall with a boner? He broke his nose."

"How do you find a British person in a crowd? 1. Shout 0800 00 2. Wait for them to shout 1066."

"Why did Eric Clapton move from PC to Mac? He had a bad experience with Windows"

"A man stood outside the senate yelling: ""The government is stupid!"" He got 10 years in prison for revealing national secrets."

"So many fun things to say ... too many relatives on Facebook to post!"