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Joke of the Day

"When's sex not work? When it's for play."

"The advantage of using a nailcutter is, you won't get scratchmark on your forehead skin and the disadvantage is, you can't peel off garlic skin."

"What did the fish say when he hit concrete? Dam(n)."

"It ain't the jeans that make your butt look fat."

"The ex hasn't moved out yet. To make her uncomfortable I left a new box of condoms out on the table. She retaliated with a pregnancy kit."

"Why did the dolphin get a fair trial? Because Habeas Porpoise."

"Did you hear about the uncircumcised volcano? It was covered in smagma."

"What did the plate say to the fork? Don't worry, the dinner's on me."

"At my funeral the priest will throw my corpse into the crowd and whoever catches it will be the next to die."

"Instagram is experiencing difficulties. Until further notice, please cease visually chronicling the tedious mundanities of your life."