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Joke of the Day

"When someone asks me how my day is, I like to say ""Still kinda pissed about Hiroshima,"" & then start swearing in Japanese."

"The 70's called. They built a time phone."

"What's the difference between a priest and a zit A zit waits until you're 12 before it comes on your face"

"my shower curtain grabbing my thigh while I was washing my hair is the most action I've gotten in a long time."

"My favorite joke: What do hillbillies do for Halloween? Pump kin."

"""Look we LOVE the script for 'Murder Bees', just change the name to 'My Girl' and you've got yourself a movie!!"""

"[watching House of Cards] where are the cards"

"Would you rather...? Would you rather have fucked a goat but nobody knows, or everyone thinks you fucked a goat but you didnt and there's no way to change their mind?"

"Jokes about nazi concentration camps really offend me My great grandfather died in a holocaust camp. He got really drunk and fell out of a guard tower"

"What did Jesus say to the flock of sheep? I herd that."