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Joke of the Day

"""Did you sign the nondisclosure agreement?"" ""To not disclose what?"" ""Then you DID sign the agreement! """

"My girlfriend said she was sick of me pretending to be a detective... ...and that ""we should split up"" ""Good idea"", I said, ""that way we can cover more ground"""

"How did the hipster burn his fingertips? He was changing the lightbulb before it was cool. [rimshot]"

"TIFU by putting my dildo in the dishwasher She enjoyed the dildo, but my wife really doesn't like to be referred to as ""the dishwasher"""

"How does a mathematician go to the bathroom? He works it out with a pencil."

"I washed my antibiotic pills down with a probiotic shake and now I'm back to square one."

"I was going to tell a gay joke butt fuck it"

"So many girls look so cute and pretty when they cry then there's me where i look like a dying horse"

"Did you know that if you laid the entirety of my intestines out in a straight line you'd likely be incarcerated for many years?"

"It's so cold outside. I saw a politician with his hands in his own pockets."