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Joke of the Day

"I'm leaving my job at the ship yard to be a contestant on The Apprentice. I don't know a lot about the world of business, but I'm good at making sails."

"When I have kids I'm gonna tell them drugs are good for them. It's the only way I can be sure they won't try them."

"Year: 2020 Cause of death: iPhone 10 Plus fell on his head."

"Would you people tweet something funny so I can steal it already? I need to update my Facebook status."

"I would make a joke about gold But that would just be Auful"

"I would tell you the one about the broken pencil. But there's no point to it."

"Why did the condom fly around the room? It was pissed off."

"If you come mow my lawn for me I promise to look out the window occasionally and give you a thumbs up."

"People hiking with a giant stick never seem any better at hiking than the rest of us."

"*Takes gift wrapping paper to the counter* Her: Did you want to buy that? Me: No, I just wanted to hold it for a while."