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Joke of the Day

"Which came first the chicken or the egg? The chicken of course, an egg cannot cum! Made this up in my sleep sorry if offends any egg lovers.."

"[A bengals fan watching Titanic] I can't wait until the end when Jack and Rose get married"

"On the off chance I'm captured by cannibals, I've got a 'Best if eaten by 1975' tattoo on my neck."

"Sperm whales were created when Chuck Norris masterbated in the ocean."

"therapist: im glad u overcame ur fear of snakes and all but- me, with a snake: ur gonna say i shouldn't have married this snake aren't u"

"Breaking News....Explosion at Cheese Factory De-brie everywhere!"

"What does the sign say on an out-of-business brothel? Beat it, we're closed."

"Me: Whatcha doin? 12yo: Catching up on Walking Dead. Me: Did Hershel die yet? 12yo: WHAT?! Me: Guess not."

"Apparently I'm ""an insensitive arsehole"" for referring to my girlfriend's allergic reaction to a box of chocolates (and subsequent fit) as a ""truffle shuffle""..."

"I got a new one for you. You know how I can tell if the government smokes the pot the DEA seizes? THEY'RE paranoid and OUR rights are being taken away."