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Joke of the Day

"I bet a lot of people have tried that ""See you next year!"" joke at the end of December but got proven wrong by dying in a DUI."

"My Girlfriend crashed the car into a post today... It's no joke. The car is ruined and I am in serious pain."

"I'm glad George Washington didn't live long enough to see his face printed out and rubbed on the ass of every stripper."

"Did you know that all Bicyclists are colorblind? Cause they can't tell Green from Red!"

"If kryptonite is Superman's only weakness, what is Supperman's only weakness? Leftovernite"

"Alcohol is like liquid Photoshop for real life."

"What did the rubber say when he was offered a job as the high school choir teacher? ""I can't, I'm not a conductor."" Pffffffhehewheheheheheh."

"Girl, you're like a supermassive black hole... ...because you're incredibly dense, nothing is more attactive than you, and once you suck me in there's no going back."

"How do you stop a lawyer from drownng? Shoot him before he hits the ground"

"WTH? My neighbors say they don't like to spoon!? Even after I stopped sleeping in the nude. And introduced myself. Old people! Amirite?"