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Joke of the Day

"You're legally allowed to stab anyone whose favorite album is a band's Greatest Hits."

"Just ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. Will keep you posted."

"Why did the crab jump out of the water? Because the SeaWeed.."

"My superpower is getting behind the person who is obviously refinancing their mortgage at the ATM."

"I died while having sex with a hooker... I guess you could say I was coming and going at the same time."

"Jay: Does the Bible say that if you smoke you can't get to heaven? Ted: No but the more you smoke the quicker you'll get there."

"Cello Green has T-Rex arms."

"My aunt Marge.. My aunt Marge has been ill for so long I've started thinking, ""I can't believe she's not better.."""

"Why does the murder no longer use axe? Because he realized it can't wash away his sins"

"Reading the Cheesecake Factory menu. Don't tell me how it ends!"