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Joke of the Day

"If I had a boy I'd name him ""Opportunity"" & whenever he knocks on the door I'll say ""I bet that's opportunity knocking"" & laugh with my wife"

"John went to the doctor saying that he cannot stop thinking and hear about skittles he was going crazy and paranoid. The doctor diagnosed him with Skittlophrenia."

"Little boy blue. He needed the money. credit: Andrew Dice Clay"

"Sometimes I'll just eat a plain piece of bread for dinner, to you it might seem like a snack... but to me it's a wholemeal."

"A second child fell into the Cincinnati Zoo gorilla enclosure. Luckily the kid escaped and the gorillas were unHarambed."

"What's the difference between a sociopath and a psychopath? You can't ride your bike on a sociopath"

"*calls son at college* Pop quiz, son ""Ok"" What's the opposite of a hot dog ""Um...a cold cat?"" Exactly. Now let's talk about Fluffy"

"I am constantly putting things where they don't belong, like the cereal in the fridge or my keys in the laundry or my faith in other people."

"My wife was proud that I admitted to also being married to someone else ...she said it was big of me"

"I'm writing a theatrical work on puns It's a play on words."