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Joke of the Day

"If I had a boy I'd name him ""Opportunity"" & whenever he knocks on the door I'll say ""I bet that's opportunity knocking"" & laugh with my wife"

"You know you're getting old when ... the doctor tells you to slow down and the cops tell you to speed up."

"Monorail joke I love making jokes about monorails, they make the best one-liners!"

"911 maybe too soon What's the difference between 911 and landscaping. Landscaping is an outside job sorry in advance ps I was the original poster of this"

"Unlike many guys, I don't try to get into a lady's pants... ...mostly because they won't fit me, but also because they lack usable pockets. What's up with that aspect of fashion design, anyway?"

"Why do hipsters drink their Jello? They want to have it before it's cool."

"You're so beautiful I can't describe it with words.. but numbers can. 3/10."

"I was going to say a dead baby joke... but I decided to abort"

"A man goes into a library and asks for a book about Pavlov's dogs and Schrodinger's cat. The librarian says, ""It rings a bell, but I don't know whether it's there or not."""

"Why do Italian men have mustaches? They want to look like their mothers."