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Joke of the Day

"One time i saw a man eat a whole apple, core and everything. Motherboard and power supply too. The man ate a computer it was horrifying"

"STOP WHINING KIDS! If mommy wants to listen to a bunch of people whining for no reason, she'll log into twitter."

"What if the last episode of ""House"" reveals it's all been the dream of a kid with lupus?"

"'Sorry officer but how was I to know that weird noise my car was making was a bicycle stuck in my mudflap?'"

"Irony. The other day my friend was telling me that I didn't understand what irony was. Which is ironic because we were in a restaurant."

"A group of wild dads just ran into my back yard, built a shed, filled it with tools and told me not to touch any of them or I'd be grounded."

"""Any women in the audience who think I'm a male chauvinist, say ""Boooo!"" Every woman in the audience yelled ""Booo!"" The speaker said to the crowd, ""Obedient little bitches, aren't you?"""

"I meant to call out a plumber to fix my blocked toilet, but forgot. I'm in deep shit now."

"Somebody stole my mood ring today. I don't know how I feel about that."

"b b q why is it that latinos don't bar b que? the rice and beans keep falling thru the grill"