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Joke of the Day

"People tend to think I'm a serial killer.... They don't think that for for very long though!"

"Cry if you missed someone. Try to shoot them again before they leave."

"If the bird of peace if the dove, what's the bird of love? The swallow."

"I wish people were more like dogs and you could just give them those three little pats and they'd know our interaction was over."

"GUY: I dare you ME: no G: I double dog dare you ME: no G: I TRIPLE dog dare you! ME: [realizing if I keep this up ill get a lot of dogs] no"

"What do you call it when a waiter at an internet cafe gets your order wrong? 500 Internal Server Error"

"I packed my own lunch this morning if anyone wants a baggy of dry cereal or a stapler."

"Did you hear the one about to car that lost its tires? Apparently it was in a wheel hurry."

"Someone told me recently that the healthcare.gov website was built by a Canadian company. I guess that explains why the site is constantly freezing."

"I bought a Valentine's Day card for everyone at our local Tourettes Society. It's the thought that cunts!"