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Joke of the Day

"5-year-old: I wish we all had infinity dollars Me: That'd wreck the economy 5: I just- Me: Go to your room until you understand inflation"

"I met this girl at the library... She was really smart! Almost as brainy as Kurt Cobain's ceiling."

"How much cocaine can a smuggler sneak into prison? a buttload."

"Things that are better left unsaid 1. 2. 3."

"[waving hands and chasing down ice cream truck] Hey! ""What'll it be?"" [out of breath] Nothing. Just wanted to tell you I'm vegan"

"If Sean Lock was a Hollywood actor... ... He'd be Robert Frowny Jr. - Jimmy Carr"

"Did you hear the story of the Rabbi who lifted his synagogue into the air with a bunch of balloons? He brew up."

"Why did the cowgirl name her pony ink? Because it kept running out of the pen!! My favorite joke when young :)."

"Friend apologizes for mess. Friend has immaculate house. Open her closet. Out comes 78 books, a piano and a gentleman squirrel in a top hat."

"What's an emo's favorite ice cream flavor? Noose Tracks"