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Joke of the Day

"They call me Metal Gear Because my snake is solid"

"Just settled a divorce over Parrot custody/visitation. Neither may teach it negative phrases abt the other. I went to law school for this."

"There's a dog on my street who practices Islam. I don't have a problem with his religion, I just wish he wouldn't wake me up every morning at 5am shouting ""ALLAHU AK-BARK."""

"I waited 279 days before I made my first post on Reddit, apparently I could've waited 558 days and received the same response."

"Why can't a nose be 12 inches long? Because then it'd be a foot."

"If Hillary Clinton and Bernie Sanders are on a boat together, and it sinks, who survives? America"

"I likes my liver like I likes my Twitter. Over capacity."

"Cop: can you describe the guy who stabbed you Me: yes, he was not very friendly"

"Columbia have already begun their preparations for the upcoming match against Uruguay. The entire squad are set to have tetanus and rabies jabs."

"Do I turn left, when nothing is right? Or do I turn right, when there's nothing left?"