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Joke of the Day

"""I enjoy working with a hammer, but I don't want a blue collar job."" - Everyone who eventually becomes a judge."

"How many nuclear engineers does it take to change a light bulb? Seven. One to install the bulb and six to figure out what to do with the old one for the next 10,000 years"

"They used to be called Jumpolines until your mom bounced on one back in '72."

"so i'd tell ya a casey anthony joke but my mother would kill me..."

"What do you call a dog that wisely saves money for retirement? A 401(K-9)."

"The trouble with learning from experience is that you never graduate."

"This is Eric's wife. He accidentally left the house without his phone. TELL ME EVERYTHING."

"What do you call a matador who lost to the bull? A mat'o'gore."

"[at dinner] Wife: This is terrible. Me: Horrible. Waiter: Hey folks, how's your food? (simultaneously) Wife: Amazing! Me: Fantastic!"

"Why did Darth Maul jack off into a piece of fruit? Because the sith always comes in pears"