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Joke of the Day

"What is the deal with airplane food? Seriously, I'm trying to feed this thing and I don't know what airplanes eat."

"Why are hipsters such great assassins? Because they hide the bodies in places no one has ever heard of."

"Me: My computer broke IT guy: What have you tried so far? Me: Everything IT guy: Me: I shook the mouse a few times and did some swearing"

"So my penis used to be in the Guinness book of world records I'm not allowed in Barnes and Noble anymore"

"I know 27 different jokes about eyeballs... ...But this one's cornea than the rest!"

"I scared the postman today by going to the door completely naked... Not sure what scared him more; my naked body or the fact that I knew where he lived."

"You wanna take this outside bro? You sure bro? It's awfully chilly bro. Hold on bro, let me grab my scarf."

"It's a good thing Gatorade was invented at the University of Florida and not Florida State University. Because then it would be Seminole fluid."

"A Match Made in Heaven God grabbed a box of cigarettes and pulled one out. He put it in his mouth when he realized he had nothing to light it with."

"""Now, tell me I'm pretty"" -me as a hypnotist"