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Joke of the Day

"(Ad for a baby) gently used can't even kill you doesn't shed poops on a learning curve goes from 0-60 in roughly 60 years"

"Why did the engineer buy a mattress? To sleep under it"

"Exponential horse walks into a bar. Bartender says ""Why the log(face)?"""

"Did you hear about the psychic midget that escaped from jail last night? Yeah, there's a small medium at large!"

"Doctor Doctor I keep thinking I'm a snake about to shed it's skin. Why don't you go behind the screen and slip into something more comfortable then!"

"No beer or Snacks?!? WORST. PARTY. EVER. Family: uh...this is an Intervention Me: LAME, look, Grandmas so bored she's crying"

"I know Tinder is gonna help me meet the right person because all it takes is a mutual like of Virgin America on Facebook."

"I have a boat that beats all other boats in races... ... It's a champion ship."

"How many dead hookers does it take to replace a light bulb? At least more than eight, the light in my basement still doesn't work..."

"""I don't know what else to say..."" Me, giving my husband false hope"