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Joke of the Day

"Laundry Day Me: Tell me about this lipstick on your shirt. Him: Babe, I can explain! Me: Don't care. Just ask her the brand and shade name."

"what do you call a bear without an ear? **B**"

"Sorry, grandma. You stood up. You have to be Slim Shady now."

"What should you do if you are on a picnic with King Kong? Give him the biggest bananas."

"""Here kitty, kitty, kitty"" - me, drunk, about to get bit by a raccoon"

"mom: I'm not your friend I'm your mother! [20 years later] mom: why won't you accept my friend request on FB? I'm your mother"

"How do you know when a joke has gone too far? It's elected President."

"What do Donald Trump and a pumpkin have in common? They're orange on the outside, hollow on the inside and should be tossed out in early November."

"It's not enough to get up at 8 am & freeze on the soccer field. One must also scream from the sidelines so everyone knows you care."

"We are not talking over a radio! This relationship is over! Me: This relationship is what? Over"