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Joke of the Day

"My ex and I broke up because she said she couldn't be with someone who wanted her to change. I just wanted her to stop sleeping with my friends."

"I'm having a meeting tomorrow at 5 for people that have trouble ejaculating. If you can't come, just let me know."

"What do you call a magic dog? A Labracadabrador."

"If you're unsure if you're pregnant or not that's called a maby"

"I like the idea of almond milk, but then I can't get the image out of my head of someone milking a nut."

"If you could choose between world peace and $100,000,000, what color would you choose for your Ferrari?"

"I'm on a whiskey diet. I've lost three days already."

"What's it called when you look in the mirror and say ""jesus christ I look good""? Using the lords name in vanity"

"I found out my wife was cheating on me so I divorced her. She's no longer my Mrs Take. She's my Ms Take"

"that fuzzy feeling when he puts his arm around u for the first time and then his other arm and then his other arm then u realize HE A SPIDER"