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Joke of the Day

"Things Ted Cruz and I have in common: 1. Love butter 2. Shy eyes 3. Resurrected from the grave during satanic bloodmoon ritual 4. Brown hair"

"What do you use to compare and contrast nordic cultures? A Sven diagram!"

"[JAIL VISITATION] WIFE: I got u a cake ME: U know I don't like sugar W: U need a BREAK, OUT of ur diet M: It's not a diet, it's a lifestyle"

"Have you heard of the new movie ""constipation""? It hasn't came out yet"

"Why can't a ghost get anyone pregnant? Because he has a hollow-weenie"

"Masturbation is an excellent skill to have. Done right, it sure comes in handy."

"2016 That's the joke."

"The other day my son asked me who picks up the seeing eye dog's poop."

"Why was the fruit/vegetable hybrid upset? He was a melon-cauliflower."

"Does anybody know if Maternity Wards are open today?"