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Joke of the Day

"My girlfriend got a tattoo of a seashell on the inside of her thigh. If I put my ear on it I can smell the sea."

"Why couldn't the bike stand up? It was two tired"

"Will Smith was convicted They found fresh prints at the scene...."

"I spilled skittles down my pants. Do you want to taste the rainbow? #badpickuplines"

"Just found out my birthday is the same day I was born... Life is crazy..."

"I love how Prince Charming is so dumb he doesn't recognize Cinderella without her shoe."

"My dog takes so long to take a dump I swear she's tweeting out there."

"Do I agree that education is getting too expensive? To a degree, yes."

"""Hello, 912"" wait did u say 912? ""yup"" I meant to dial 911 ""happens all the time"" lol I'm such a goof ""haha right?"" my neighbor got stabbed"

"wife *resting after surgery* me wife me [holding flowers and a Transformers birthday balloon] They didn't have any that said ""Get Well Soon"""