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Joke of the Day

"I just killed a man and his death is everywhere! (Ate a piece of toast and made some crumbs, dramatized for your entertainment *bow*)"

"If one door closes & another door opens, you're probably in prison."

"My boss hates it when I shorten his name to D!ck, Especially since his name is Steve."

"One of the benefits of being a hermit You're always the best-dressed man in the room."

"I asked my wife what she wanted for Christmas. She told me ""Nothing would make her happier than a diamond necklace"" So I bought her nothing."

"So a seal walks into a club..."

"""One day I caught myself smiling for no reason, then I realized I was thinking of you...."" under a moving bus"

"No thanks resolutions, if I wanted to be reminded of everything I didn't follow through on at the end of the year, I'd get married again."

"Let's find out what pisses the crickets off and do THAT during the day"

"Billy's parents called the school on the afternoon he completed his make up test, they wanted to know why he was wearing lipstick and mascara."