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Joke of the Day

"People always ask me why I quit my job as a can crusher... Well it was just soda-pressing!"

"Vibrator factory workers probably check their phones every ten seconds."

"Earth's scientists have discovered that sheep are smarter than most primates. This explains why not a lot of sheep tune in to Jersey Shore."

"When you're addicted to keyboard shortcuts It might start off with just copying and pasting, but once you get into underlining it really starts to control you."

"Glad my dog is warning me about the child walking down the street catching snowflakes on his tongue. He seems sketchy."

"Mozart killed all his chickens.. he had asked them who the best composer was, and they kept saying "" Bach! Bach! Bach!"

"Teacher told me to give her eye contact when I speak with her. So i jabbed my finger in her eye to touch it."

"Whats the difference between a hospital and a terrorist stronghold? I dunno I just fly the drone....."

"What are Islamic extremists favourite drink? Smirnoff Isis"

"What did Larry McMurtry say when his neighbor asked to borrow a bar of soap? He said ""Sure! I could loan some Dove""."