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Joke of the Day

"I just saw a guy with no legs. I told him all about my recent stubbed toe. I hope it made him feel better about the whole no legs thing."

"How do you think the unthinkable? With an itheburg."

"How did the hipster burn his mouth? He sipped his coffee before it was cool."

"No hedgehogs were harmed in the making of this short movie 'Ripping the Legs Off a Hedgehog So He Looks Like a Pinecone'."

"Pedophiles... ... Are fucking immature assholes."

"My cow won't give any milk... She is an udder failure."

"I want to die like my grandfather, softly in my sleep... ...not screaming in terror like his passengers."

"The man who discovered copper died penniless."

"How to keep the flies off the bride at an Italian wedding Keep a bucket of shit next to her"

"[phone call] KIDNAPPER: We're gonna kill your wife if you don't pay ME: *making wind noises* I CAN'T HEAR YOU I'M GOING THROUGH A TUNNEL"