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Joke of the Day

"I have batlike reflexes. -You mean catlike reflexes? *screeches real loud right in your face to locate food and avoid obstacles*"

"Stupid nanny state won't let me enroll my kids in bartending school."

"Procrastination is a dish best served eventually."

"Bernie Sanders won another state last night! The State of Denial"

"What does your mom and a 4-stroke engine have in common? They're both usually busy doing one of the following: sucking, squeezing, banging, blowing."

"""Dear Hotels, stop hiding your electrical outlets. I don't want to move a bed or table to charge something."" - Everyone"

"Our father who art in heaven what does that mean like painting or something"

"When you said you wanted to show me a stiff one, I had no idea you worked in a morgue."

"Hey balloon animal guys, there are other dog breeds besides ""dachshund"" and other jobs besides ""balloon animal guy"""

"What will the ISIS be called when we eventually destroy them? WASWAS."