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Joke of the Day
"Somewhere in Africa, a bunch of orphans are about to be running around in confederate flag shirts."
Next Joke
"Enjoying an adult beverage in moderation and not bothering any fine ladies from the internet."
"You're the reason why I wake up every morning... Just kidding, I have to go to work."
"I'm lazy, though. I get down to my last outfit before washin anything. You'll see me at a bar with a wedding dress on, just chilling."
"Them: Can you describe yourself in five words? Me: Stay at home couch accessory."
"Was The Little Mermaid directed by a pilot? Because it's mostly Ariel footage."
"Me: You bought 6 bottles of carpet cleaning solution? Wife: Yes. Me: We have hard wood floors. Wife: I had a coupon that was expiring today!"
"I was going to make a gay joke. Butt fuck it, that's not cool. Cum on guys."
"How come squirrels get a pass to bury whatever they want in the park but the cops go crazy when I try to bury one tiny bloody knife?"
"""Waaaah, my boyfriend is a jerk, but I'm gonna tell twitter instead of him because I have the communication skills of a sea anemone."""