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Joke of the Day

"My friend said I didn't understand irony... Which is ironic because we were standing in a bus stop at the time."

"Have you heard of the new deodorant called umpire? It's for foul balls!"

"""I love the Fall, the trees are so pretty"" It's fall?? ""Ya, so what?"" [leaves start attacking everyone] OMG THE LEAVES HAVE TURNED"

"What do you call something that only 9 or 11 can fix? An untenable situation"

"German humor... It's no laughing matter."

"What's the difference between a red head and a blue head? Your grip."

"Did you hear about the lady lawyer who went to her gynecologist? The gynecologist said, "" Let's use this device to spread your vagina."" The lawyer shouts, ""I object! Calls for speculation!"" I'll go..."

"My decision to have kids was based solely on the fact that I was so tired of seeing movies in their entirety & craved constant interruption."

"I ate 4 bowls of delicious alphabet soup. After that I had a massive vowel movement."

"I'm trying to invent a belt made of clocks But my friends keep telling me it's a waist of time"