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Joke of the Day

"What did the boy with no arms or legs get for christmas? I don't know, he hasn't opened his presents yet."

"Why do frat bros hate fruit loops? They're eternally disappointed by two-can Sam."

"The Brooklyn Nets"

"Did you hear about the dyslexic, agnostic insomniac? He stayed up all night wondering if there was a dog."

"My neighbor just walked by carrying some pots for planting & I said ""Looks like you won the pottery lottery!"" Now everyone is mad at me."

"What do a fly and a boner have in common? You can't go to sleep without whacking it."

"Why couldn't the computer play golf?... ...Because it had the wrong Driver"

"There are some problems in life that can be solved with chocolate....others require a full clip and a shovel."

"Who should have played Bilbo? Who should have played Bilbo Baggins in Lord of the Rings? Bruce Willis. Because old hobbits die hard."

"[funeral] WIDOW: ii just cant believe he's gone ME: hey [putting my hand on her shoulder] u parked ur car directly behind mine so im stuck"