60288

Joke of the Day

"I TEXTED MY BOSS... ""What's the difference between this morning and your daughter?... HE ANSWERED: ""I don't know?"" I REPLIED: ""I'm not coming in this morning!"""

"What does a terrorist and a soccer player have in common? Mossack Fonseca."

"ME: I would like a complaint form ASSISTANT: Sorry, we have none left ME: I would like two complaint forms"

"me: hi sloth: HELL!!!! me: ..umm [walks away] sloth: ..oh :("

"Ads can get you laid Cuz when I turned on Ad blocker, all the women in my area who were interested in me suddenly disappeared."

"""What rhymes with California?"" -Every Red Hot Chili Peppers song writing session ever"

"Kids, make sure you learn how to use a protractor in case one day you're a teacher & have to show kids how to use a protractor."

"A list of compelling arguments regarding the existence of God."

"The #AshleyMadisonHack is getting out of hand. Site just revealed that I've been cheating on my diet. I'm not even sure how they'd know that"

"I got called ""vein"" and I'm just like, k not the most vital component of the circulatory system but still essential so thank you"