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Joke of the Day

"Me: ""There are so many exotic sounding flavours these days. I just can't resist-"" Doctor: ""YOU NEED TO STOP DRINKING SHAMPOO!"""

"How do you get a blonde to break her nose? Place your dick under a glass table"

"What is the best nickname for a nun in heaven? If you guessed ""Heaven nun"" or ""Angel nun"" you're wrong. The answer was ""Nun of the Above""."

"one of the tvs at this bar is showing hockey and the other is showing an infomercial for a blender and more people are watching the blender"

"What do you call Dubstep on a Mac? iDropIt"

"""You can't tell me what to do!"" I screamed, and ate the packet of silica gel."

"I heard the best geography joke today... I would tell you but you had to be there."

"What's the difference between pink and purple? The grip"

"""Hurt me!"" she cried, jumping onto the bed and stripping her clothes off seductively... ""Alright,"" I said. ""You're a terrible cook and I fancy your sister."""

"When people tell me I'm intimidating, I generally just glare at them until they take it back."