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Joke of the Day

"What would someone in the 13 hundreds say if you told them we fly in giant metal birds all around the world? You mean across?"

Next Joke
 
"Priest: Kim, do you take Kanye to be your lawfully wedded husband to love and cherish? Kim: I.. *Kanye grabs mic* Kanye: She do"
"Remember back in the day when your TV wouldn't work so you'd bang it a few times? I tried that with my dishwasher and she ended up pregnant."
"'Winter Wonderland' is my favourite song about building a snowman that you will potentially have sex with later"
"Why is diabetes like a fumble recovery? Because you didn't know they had it."
"[approaches parent with child on a leash] ""Mind if I pet your dog?"" Hey that's my son! ""Oh my bad. Mind if I pet your son?"""
"Good morning people.....I woke up feeling myself this morning....wait that doesn't sound right. What I meant is I woke up feeling confidant"
"[1st Row at Beyonce Concert] Beyonce: Who run da world?! *points mic at me* ME: [having briefly heard the song once before] ...squirrels?"
"What's it like having sex with a wave? Fucking hertz."
"What did the psychiatrist say to the man who walked into his office wearing nothing but saran wrap? I can clearly see you're nuts."